I can learn something from anyone
Posted on | February 18, 2009 |
It’s a philosophy. It’s a point-of-view. It’s a guiding principle in my life, and has been since I was about twenty years old.
It all started with a manager I worked for that stated clearly, “I am not here to make friends. I have friends at home, and a family. I am here to manage my part of this business. You, sir, have to listen to me whether you like me or not. Liking me is not a requirement.”
I was, at the time, a 20-year-old punk/hippie, too smart for his own britches. I may have deserved half of that lecture. The other half made me very angry at first. I thought that it was good to be friends with everyone all the time. This man befuddled my sense of right, and I could not fathom how he could live with himself. I certainly did not enjoy working for him.
But I did learn a lot from his approach. I took it as a challenge to remain who I was while making room for a less-forgiving manager. I had to grow up a bit, and the bitter taste of being forced to work with someone you don’t personally agree with was vile bile sliding creeping up the back of my throat. After a while, I figured out that he simply stated very clearly where he stood and what he expected. If you met those (quite simple) regulations, then there was no problem. Miss a step and you caught hell. Kinda military, but not exactly.
My insights from that initial exposure to badassery included:
- Sometimes you have to work with people you don’t like
- Wouldn’t you rather work with people you do like?
- If you are honest about who you are, people can decide for themselves if they want to be around you with clarity (saves everyone a lot of time).
- If I could work with that man, I could work with anyone (my young self said…)
So I took these insights on into the future. I approached each new person with the idea that it wasn’t necessary to like them (although I much prefer that) and that there was something to be learned from each and every one of them. Seriously. And it worked. It still works to this day.
A more recent insight is that “tough love,” or being a firm teacher/manager is important for results. It doesn’t mean that you have to be mean, rather that you have to be consistent and constructive with criticism. I was a long time in the making, and much of my own diligence to detail is due to a mentor, of whom I am very fond, applying this to me. I am eternally grateful. I both understand and appreciate the tutelage.
I’ve had at least four significant mentors since that time, and hundreds of work acquaintances. If I sat down and thought hard, I could pick out the lessons I have learned from each and every one of them.
The benefit to approaching life with an open eye and withholding personal judgments is, in my opinion, a successful path of constant growth. The more I learn, the more I am convinced I don’t know much at all.
If you’re open to suggestion, I offer this: Look at each person for the lesson they may not even know they are offering. You can improve your life immeasurably.
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